Skip to main content

But It's Dark and Scary In There...

I swear I should just rename this blog "The Back of My Head."

So, depression. It's here. It's situational AND biochemical. And it sucks. I'm not even motivated enough to self-harm or contemplate worse. I sleep a lot, and it's not to escape. It's because I can't think of anything else I'd rather do. I have no passion for anything right now. I've got ideas. I've even written outlines. But I can't take the last step to actual writing. I forced myself to take a shower today and it was the most difficult thing I've done in a long time. Every step was. An. Effort. The weather's been gorgeous and the idea of going outside makes me twitch.

So, yeah. I go to my usual therapy tomorrow, and I've got a "Crap, I need to see you ASAP" call into my psychiatrist.

I just want to care about something again, to have that creative fire burn again. Or, you know, not turn into a vampire. That'd be cool, too.

Comments

  1. Pat Miller08 April, 2012 03:14

    You're not alone. I've been fighting this crap for a lifetime. I found that the meds were doing me personally more harm than good. I weened off and only take omega 3 which was recommended by my shrink while I was still on all the meds. I now have spells where I will sleep alot, and spells where i'm actually normal. I am not recommending that you change your meds or anything, just sharing. Having a creative outlet has been great mental health therapy for me. Some days I really have to push myself at it, but usually once into it, I'm fine and feel better for it. If you need a friendly ear, I'm available.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Introverted Mother, Extroverted Child

Okay, so it turns out that not all  the girls I went to middle schools turned out to be total wastes of space. I've  wound up friending several of them on Facebook, and aside from occasional epic differences in politics (southern Maryland is The South, y'all, and don't you forget it). One in particular I've rebonded with is  Erin Gross . Erin is a totally fun blogger and a wicked writer. She's fun, and funny, and made a hell of an Ebeneezer Scrooge when we put him on trial for a book report project in the eighth grade. She is also, emphatically, an extrovert . Her son, it turns out, is an introvert . She has been completely, and sometimes painfully, honest about her quandaries about how to raise a person with such different needs from herself. This is where I come in. I am an introvert. Wow am I an introvert. I need a day off to recover from family dinners involving more people than my immediate family. So, when Erin would make a blog post about ...
4 comments
Read more

The first step...

Well, I've done it. I've admitted I need help. I can't do this alone, and it's not fair to burden Tor or Cheryl with it. I can't make Herself live in such chaos anymore. I've contacted a professional organizer. With G-d as my witness, I will never trip over my carpet cleaner again. What did you think I was going to say? You'd think I had a history of dramatic announcements involving my mental health or something...
3 comments
Read more

So. Good news for you guys...

The bad news is that I got laid off. Which means I'll be writing more here? Yay? It was about three o'clock or three-thirty. The admin dean and the admin director took me into an office and ripped off the band aid right away, which I appreciated. The school budget is just a wreck, and given that I was still technically on my probation, and I had the least seniority, I was the one elected Judas goat to be sacrificed upon the altar of academic finance (or lack thereof). Baa. To be fair, they gave me names and numbers, urged me to speak to campus HR, and promised glowing recommendations. However, I'm finding I'm getting pretty damn tired of my income hinging on the whims of others, not to mention the winds of fate. So, yeah. Maybe this is what I need to get my tuchus in gear. Silver lining, anyone?
2 comments
Read more