08 March 2012

But It's Dark and Scary In There...

I swear I should just rename this blog "The Back of My Head."

So, depression. It's here. It's situational AND biochemical. And it sucks. I'm not even motivated enough to self-harm or contemplate worse. I sleep a lot, and it's not to escape. It's because I can't think of anything else I'd rather do. I have no passion for anything right now. I've got ideas. I've even written outlines. But I can't take the last step to actual writing. I forced myself to take a shower today and it was the most difficult thing I've done in a long time. Every step was. An. Effort. The weather's been gorgeous and the idea of going outside makes me twitch.

So, yeah. I go to my usual therapy tomorrow, and I've got a "Crap, I need to see you ASAP" call into my psychiatrist.

I just want to care about something again, to have that creative fire burn again. Or, you know, not turn into a vampire. That'd be cool, too.

1 comment:

  1. You're not alone. I've been fighting this crap for a lifetime. I found that the meds were doing me personally more harm than good. I weened off and only take omega 3 which was recommended by my shrink while I was still on all the meds. I now have spells where I will sleep alot, and spells where i'm actually normal. I am not recommending that you change your meds or anything, just sharing. Having a creative outlet has been great mental health therapy for me. Some days I really have to push myself at it, but usually once into it, I'm fine and feel better for it. If you need a friendly ear, I'm available.