Look, I know we've had our differences. For many years, I would go to bed safe and snug on Election Night and you would bring me a new president. It wasn't always the one I wanted (perhaps the less said about 2004, the better), but he arrived nevertheless.
2000 was the first--and so far only--year you've let me down. I maintain you were mugged, but you've never said for sure. That being said, please plan for extra security tonight, because I just don't have the constitution to go through that nonsense again.